Mean, sick, and poor is no way to go through life, son.

Quick Critique of Alien Covfefe, er, Covenant (spoilers)

I think the Alien franchise is almost exactly where Star Trek is now. It's tired and dated and needs a rest. Maybe a decade or two or maybe permanently. I suspect the Walking Dead is close to arriving at that point in a year or two.

The one-note darkness, death and pessimism is getting very tedious to watch. There's no shock value to chest bursters any more.

What I don't get is the synthetic David's contempt for humans and preferring to nurture the xenomorphs. He calls the human race "dying". What is the growth potential for a ridiculously violent species that is parasitic? It doesn't even make sense as a fictional narrative. Kill, kill, kill, kill, oh, look, we're out of fresh meat.

The synthetic double crosses the humans. Big surprise. They've done this since the first film in '79.

And that's fuckin' John Denver.
Permalink Send private email Bored Bystander 
August 11th, 2017 12:10pm
I did really like Tennessee. Put a cowboy hat on anyone and they're good. Therefore the next sequel will show his mangled carcass. Along with that girl who survived who thought she'd build her wood cabin.
Permalink Send private email Bored Bystander 
August 11th, 2017 12:12pm
One thing that might create new interest in the franchise (and this is a one shot thing):

Show xenomorphs unleashed in a war or better yet, accidentally on an unsuspecting population. They've never shown these things in an urban environment or invading an established planet. It's always colonists and ships.

If they World War Z'd it up they could have a great summer blockbuster.
Permalink Send private email Bored Bystander 
August 11th, 2017 12:15pm
They could also pit the xenomorphs against Predators, like in that old Schwarzenegger movie. That'd be rad.
Permalink Simulacrum 
August 11th, 2017 12:17pm
> I think the Alien franchise is almost exactly where Star Trek is now. It's tired and dated and needs a rest.

I think the parallels between the Alien franchise and Star Trek reboots are strong but not because of being tired and dated.  Star Trek is tired at this point but this was the right time for an Alien reboot.

The problem in both these cases is the writing is fucking terrible and the underlying conceptual framework is terrible. 

Honestly, I don't understand how terribly written movies get made -- you have millions of dollars to spend on cast, crew, and special effects but the script is utter garbage?  How does that work?  Why does it keep happening?
Permalink Send private email Almost Anonymous 
August 11th, 2017 12:20pm
I see what you mean, but they're making Aliens tired and dated by rehashing plots that they had in 1986 and producing shitty stories.

The real problem is that Aliens, like Star Trek is very corporate now, so the creative takes a huge shit. Star Trek and Alien (the original '79 movie) were both quite indie for their times.
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August 11th, 2017 12:35pm
I understand they're playing it safe but they're an extra level of terrible on top of that.

Star Wars Episode 7 was pretty safe as well but was no where near as crappy plot/character/whatever wise than the Alien moves are.  They're just so awful.
Permalink Send private email Almost Anonymous 
August 11th, 2017 1:53pm
Imaginative terror is really hard to do well. These last two movies weren't imaginative at all.
Permalink Send private email Bored Bystander 
August 11th, 2017 2:00pm
In the second movie, the terraformers discover the crashed Engineer's ship and the eggs inside it.  They were all (with the exception of the girl) killed before Ripley arrived.

They really should go back to a more action-oriented film, where some eggs are unearthed by some construction workers who were building a new school.  About 8-10 of them get implanted with chestbursters and taken to the nearby hospital.  X-Rays are taken but the doctors dither about what to do, and take too long - the baby xenomorphs pop out before surgery could be performed.

A few of them hide in the air conditioning ducts, but a couple escape by hiding in a delivery truck and end up in a neighborhood where they're able to grow their numbers.  The hospital is surrounded by troops and are killed (with many human casualties). Everyone breaths a sigh of relief.

"Have you seen Dorothy?" "No, she said she was staying home today"  And there's Dorothy - webbed to the wall of her house while the xenomorph hovers protectively nearby because it knows there's a queen inside her.
Permalink Send private email xampl9 
August 11th, 2017 2:27pm
Alien: Second wave feminism, the movie.

Aliens: Ronald Reagan and the nuclear family strike back.

Alien³: Nihilism and punk rock, a generation x love letter.

Alien Resurrection: What if Firefly, Delicatessen, and Alien all shared the same universe?

Prometheus: Remember all that cosmetic horror stuff with the space jockey in the first one? Turns out that was a suit and the guy was actually Jesus.

Alien Covenant: I should have directed the new Blade Runner since it's clear I'm only interested in the android.
Permalink MS 
August 11th, 2017 2:36pm

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