Y'all are a bunch of wankers!

I am thinking of becoming an Agile guru or something

There's plenty of money in it and your audience is mostly full of idiots.

Just that I can't get myself to do it. It's so crap and so far off from my belief system.

Lots of scam artists are doing it anyway. I am thinking of talking enterprise rubbish to gain some gravitas and money, too.

Have you done something you totally despised in private but pretended to be an ardent proponent of in public to gain power and money?
Permalink Woo Woo 
April 14th, 2017 9:33pm
OK, thanks.
Permalink Pestular Croaker 
April 14th, 2017 10:01pm

Scott Ambler, Agile Modelling with UML.

Reduces the too-large UML model set to its useful agile subset.

This, and UML-Studio, and you can appear to be an Agile guru until you manage to become one.
Permalink SaveTheHubble 
April 14th, 2017 10:05pm
IT and software engineering is a mature industry.

What's left? The figurative diet pills and copper bracelets. Fads and styles.

Market the shit out of a fad with any traction, and ride that motherfucking pony.

Yeah, go for it. Teaching Agile isn't exactly like conducting Sarin gas attacks.  God will forgive you.
Permalink Bored Bystander 
April 14th, 2017 10:21pm
I feel like agile is too mainstream.  You need to come up with a new term, trademark it, then own it.  I like "ROI-intensive development system."  Just enough buzzwords to get them interested.  Plus, it has a cool acronym: roids.
Permalink William Ding 
April 14th, 2017 10:42pm
Buil-ding has a great point. Agile has passed from fad to widespread practice so it's pretty long in the tooth. Gotta invent some new layer of bullshit to embellish your flavor of it, because after all, you need to be a snowflake to be billable today. Really.
Permalink Bored Bystander 
April 14th, 2017 11:31pm
Are you any good at public speaking?
Permalink The Great Waldo 
April 15th, 2017 3:16am
If you want a career bullshitting people then join the art world, there are a lot of rich people willing to be fleeced in it.
Permalink Ducknald Don 
April 15th, 2017 3:19am
This ROIDS thing is pretty great. Adding it to my resume now.
Permalink Pestular Croaker 
April 15th, 2017 8:23am
Permalink The Great Waldo 
April 15th, 2017 9:22am
ROI-intensive Development System. I'm a certified trainer. Would you like me to speak at your next conference? By adopting ROIDS it's like development is jacked up and full of muscles. Results? We got results. We got return on investment, baby. Also, fuck you. Imma gonna rip your head off. Wait, strike that, heh, not sure what came over me just there. Any way, hire me.
Permalink Pestular Croaker 
April 15th, 2017 9:51am
You'll know this idea is getting traction when it pops up as a Simple Programmer video. He's into body building so it fits. The Youtube video would be titled "Should I Consult in ROID Agile?" with a thumbnail of him with a question mark over his head. Gets 275,000 views.
Permalink Bored Bystander 
April 15th, 2017 11:30am
Simple Programmer videos average 2k views and rarely go above 4K, his highest ever is 231k.
Permalink Terrorist Watch 
April 15th, 2017 12:31pm
She did it, but I think she believes her own B.S.:

Permalink NPR 
April 15th, 2017 1:00pm

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